Cheryl JBicycles, Tourettes and Swastikas
Ok first up. This blog post may be offensive to some. It is not meant to be offensive, it was written in the spirit of humour. If you are sensitive or don’t like a little profanity, please move along now. The ‘family friendly’ force field has been turned on so you have been duly warned. And no, I don’t think it’s racy enough to warrant a Mature Content label.
And before anyone feels the need to slag me off for this post because I’m making fun of disabilities or cancer blah blah, I have a disability and a family member with cancer so get a grip.
Have you ever noticed the proliferation of National or International Awareness Days? I was prompted to write this last year (sorry to my Myspace readers who have already read this) when noticing posters dotted around my building in support of National Ride to Work Day. I do see the benefits of cycling for some but I would place it on my list of all-time life endangering activities. I'm possibly the only person that could have a collision on a stationary exercise bike. Yes, I'm that clumsy.
It got me thinking about how many days or weeks we have for various fund or awareness raising campaigns and the mind boggles. If you bought a wristband, ribbon or pen for each and every one of these you would spend the equivalent of the gross national debt for a small country.
Some not only want you to buy something, they want you to wear a particular something as well such as Jeans for Genes Day, cancer – something pink or yellow, Loud Shirt Day and the list goes on. My wardrobe just does not extend far enough. Can we just do black? I'd be good with black.
There are literally hundreds of them but these were some of the more 'interesting' awareness campaigns that I have come across and I can honestly say although all of them are worthwhile some were just downright funny. If I offend you…well tough shit, I'm sure one day there will be an Insensitive Bitch Awareness Day and I promise I'll be the poster girl.
National Herpes Awareness Day - now this would be perfect if you had to buy awareness condoms that come in blister packs.
Tourette Syndrome Awareness Week – what the fuck are you supposed to do for this one? Jesus H Particular Christ!
Continence Awareness Week - I almost peed myself when I read that one. I'm not really sure that I would want anyone to be aware if I needed to use incontinence pads. "Could I interest you in a flyer on incontinence, ma'am?", "Hell no, piss off". This one is going to be big; I can feel it in my waters.
National Gynaecological Awareness Day – oh my, do you just flash your pink parts to passers by? My vagina apparently needs you to beware, sorry I mean be aware. All of these puns are s-ovary bad my tubes have falloped and are enjoying a nice honeymoon in utero.
National Babies Day – I wasn't aware there were babies, can someone tell me where they come from. OK this one I just don't get.
Romp and Stomp Children's Day – I shit you not. I probably should have read what that one was about but I couldn't get past the image of skinhead ankle biters beating the holy hell out of each other. It made me smile. Little mini Russell Crowes wearing swastikas and smashing each other in the face with phones. Bless.
Buzz Day - which I was VERY disappointed to learn is a diabetes awareness campaign not a day where the stoners gather to devour much pizza. I really would have been behind that one. Can we start one? No seriously, can we?
Sock it to Suicide – this apparently is the wearing of bright coloured socks to raise awareness and money for suicide prevention, a very noble cause just quite unfortunate that it sounds like a bad show from the sixties or a Dr Suess book.
National Numeracy and Literacy Week - you are given a phone number to call or a website to go and read…yes of course you are...
I vote we all start a National Vodka Awareness Month. Have a different vodka concoction every day and praise the humble potato.
Now buy a wristband and wear it with pride, they are only $1 and all proceeds go toward my liver transplant. Cheers!
And before anyone feels the need to slag me off for this post because I’m making fun of disabilities or cancer blah blah, I have a disability and a family member with cancer so get a grip.
Have you ever noticed the proliferation of National or International Awareness Days? I was prompted to write this last year (sorry to my Myspace readers who have already read this) when noticing posters dotted around my building in support of National Ride to Work Day. I do see the benefits of cycling for some but I would place it on my list of all-time life endangering activities. I'm possibly the only person that could have a collision on a stationary exercise bike. Yes, I'm that clumsy.
It got me thinking about how many days or weeks we have for various fund or awareness raising campaigns and the mind boggles. If you bought a wristband, ribbon or pen for each and every one of these you would spend the equivalent of the gross national debt for a small country.
Some not only want you to buy something, they want you to wear a particular something as well such as Jeans for Genes Day, cancer – something pink or yellow, Loud Shirt Day and the list goes on. My wardrobe just does not extend far enough. Can we just do black? I'd be good with black.
There are literally hundreds of them but these were some of the more 'interesting' awareness campaigns that I have come across and I can honestly say although all of them are worthwhile some were just downright funny. If I offend you…well tough shit, I'm sure one day there will be an Insensitive Bitch Awareness Day and I promise I'll be the poster girl.
National Herpes Awareness Day - now this would be perfect if you had to buy awareness condoms that come in blister packs.
Tourette Syndrome Awareness Week – what the fuck are you supposed to do for this one? Jesus H Particular Christ!
Continence Awareness Week - I almost peed myself when I read that one. I'm not really sure that I would want anyone to be aware if I needed to use incontinence pads. "Could I interest you in a flyer on incontinence, ma'am?", "Hell no, piss off". This one is going to be big; I can feel it in my waters.
National Gynaecological Awareness Day – oh my, do you just flash your pink parts to passers by? My vagina apparently needs you to beware, sorry I mean be aware. All of these puns are s-ovary bad my tubes have falloped and are enjoying a nice honeymoon in utero.
National Babies Day – I wasn't aware there were babies, can someone tell me where they come from. OK this one I just don't get.
Romp and Stomp Children's Day – I shit you not. I probably should have read what that one was about but I couldn't get past the image of skinhead ankle biters beating the holy hell out of each other. It made me smile. Little mini Russell Crowes wearing swastikas and smashing each other in the face with phones. Bless.
Buzz Day - which I was VERY disappointed to learn is a diabetes awareness campaign not a day where the stoners gather to devour much pizza. I really would have been behind that one. Can we start one? No seriously, can we?
Sock it to Suicide – this apparently is the wearing of bright coloured socks to raise awareness and money for suicide prevention, a very noble cause just quite unfortunate that it sounds like a bad show from the sixties or a Dr Suess book.
National Numeracy and Literacy Week - you are given a phone number to call or a website to go and read…yes of course you are...
I vote we all start a National Vodka Awareness Month. Have a different vodka concoction every day and praise the humble potato.
Now buy a wristband and wear it with pride, they are only $1 and all proceeds go toward my liver transplant. Cheers!
Potter in a Harry
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Why shucks Potter in a Harry, thanks for the compliment.
Thanks Tracy, I hope that was an evil little laugh
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"Blister Packs...."
Still laughing that one off.
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I'm glad everyone is seeing the humour and finding it entertaining. I thought the title might at least pique curiosity as to what it was all about. Find three uncommon things and chuck them together. Although how funny would it be to see a Nazi with Tourettes riding a bike?
Infognito
the Neo-Nazi answer to going 'green'?
When are "they" going to start National Penis Week?
I mean, it deserves just as much recognition as the vagina...surely?
Maybe a sausage sizzle on street corners, and big blow up cock balloons, all different colours, and for the lapel...hmmm...wrist...nooooo ....I know, a penis belt!
Penis Oral-gami Day: "A new dimension on Slip Slop Slap"
National Turkey Slapping Day: "A 'gob-fest' for garrulous gobblers!"
Just a couple of ideas for everyone to chew on... (cough..)
cheers
fog
P.S. Just love the illiteracy sign...oh..and your wrist band with your name...vewwy krevvvvah Cheryl
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Or the town bike riding a Nazi?
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I'll have five braclets ...
Thanks for the wonderful laugh and imagery, it's been a while since there was something of this calibre on orble and very much enjoyed... you may have managed to shift my writers block, from all the dreary arguments of late ...I wanted to thank you...
And for your humour ... a shame there isn't a national go-into-a-hospital-and-visit- a-sick-person-day, especially in the children's ward ... a place where everyone should take their guitar if they play one.
How about a visit-a-lonely-old-person-in- a-nursing-home-day, wearing the loud shirt, sock or incontinence pad, or condom, can remain completely optional tat way, huh?
Still laughing at the Illiteracy sign
Lilla ...
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Hi Lilla, five bracelets - I'll have a new liver in no time.
Thanks for the great compliment, I'm glad I am the equivalent of a laxative for writer's block. Can I patent that, maybe Cheryllax?
I agree with your visit sick kids and old people ideas. They always come up with obscure 'days' or 'weeks' so it would be nice to have one that meant someone actually has to get off their bums and do something worthwhile. Plus I really want to go into an old folks' home wearing the entire combo.
Infognito
And penis belt is on and ready...can hardly wait to swap notes on your vag bag!!
maybe we should incorporate them into a unisex incontinence diaper....VIBRATING diaper?
cheers
fog
Flick Wit
Fab post.
Wish I had something witty to say, but I'm knackered from baking nutloaf for those poor souls castrated in amateur riding incidents.
Michaelie
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Fun post, Cheryl
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look at our comments above.
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Hi Michaelie, now THAT is funny!
Hi Winston; belts, ties or shoelaces!
Ruby you're right, Lilla does look much like The Thinker. Wonder what she was pondering at the time of the photo. Come on Lilla, spill the beans.
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The truth is, they look similar, but are not the same.
Contemplation is not thinking, and thinking is not contemplation... they are not opposite and not the same, yet similar *chuckle* I think yours far more 'handsome,' Ruby.
What I was contemplating at the time this was taken was justice.
I wish it was something funny, but I'm afraid not, because after what had been endless politicking amongst the powers that were then in control of the world of Australian Ballroom Wheelchair Dancing; unscupulous organisers, had run off with all the money our kids had raised to get to the competition in Malta.
The event where this picture was taken was the last organised display by our teenagers for Some Beauty Pageant Gala Ball Night and even though they knew they would never be able to make it overseas, now that the opportunity had been ripped away ... the kids themselves decided to do the right thing and honour their commitment and perform... (my heart absolutely broke for them that night).
Anyehooo, we were all being used ... again, only this time we knew it openly at least .. and they decided to enjoy themselves anyway. The new committee were deep at it, talking about it all again, ad nuseum ...
I was waiting to see if the original
crookorganiser would have the face to turn up.She never showed and (surprise!) claimed she was dying the very next week, (shades of Skase?) .. *cynical laugh* they moved north with our money ... and were never seen again.
The display was fabulous and our 'kids' were fantastic as always - all of them deeply hurt, they still performed brilliantly anyway and I was very moved.
It was over a year ago now, but I think the exact moment this picture was taken I was really just working out how to create some justice for everyone involved out of the situation ... surely, I'm not a trained journalist for nothing, I
raved inwardlymused ...Thanks for asking...
Much warmth to you all, forgive me if I have bought the mood down.
Lilla ...
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wheres my cheeky face?
as a devotee of your myspace blog i feel entitled to also recycle my original comment!
i also feel entitled to say stop stimulating my cyber stalker or else! bitch!
*girl fight*
hahahahaha
mwah xx
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Mwah right back atcha!♦
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ill bring a can of impulse and a lighter and blow torch your school books! meow! *slap slap*
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Wow, this post was already cool, but it suddenly got way, way cooler.......
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Hey D, maybe they could hand out hot pink printed bandaids with "yo goin' down bitch" on them.
Koovies
LOL. Very nice. How about Obesity Day? We all wear fat suits.
Drunk Driver Day: we all get 24 hours to play bumper cars in real cars. On the road. Especially against bosses, priests, polticians, and clowns.
Bitch Slap Day: We are allowed one bitch slap per year of life to dole out upon the public at large.
Sorry. My pastor told me to write those.
Uh . . . tourettes mode coming on . . . fuck-fuck-shit-shit-bleep-ble ep-piss-ass
Much Love,
Bye
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I'm in for all of those...at once. I say we get pissed, dress up in fat suits bitch slap every clown we see (I hate clowns, they're scary) on the way to our cars and then drive to your nearest workplace/church/government house. The fat suits will protect us from injury and also provide a great disguise when they put up the wanted posters.
I like your pastor already.
Thanks for stopping by and for your entertaining fucking comment. I love a man with Tourettes, it makes me want to take a romantic Sunday drive past the local gang members with you
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filthy trollop . . .
oops now whos got tourettes!
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Shit really, oh sorry I swore again didn't I? I have to stop doing that...oh I did it again, shit...
I love the word trollop. It sounds like a dessert. I'll have that apple pie with a trollop of cream thanks. Oh my, that sounds almost rude!
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I love that idea, Cheryl!!!!!!!!!!!! In fact, I give you permission to write that novel and be a millionaire!
"Trollop-trollop-trollop" said Gollum to Bilbo. Bilbo rolled over and replied, "Not tonight."
Much Love, Homies
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So funny! I never fell out of my chair. Thanks for the laugh!
Mis
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Morgan, I think we need to ask Jon to make an immature warning for posts, much more fun than a mature warning!
Hi Mis, Morgan often makes me fall from the odd bit of furniture
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